Days of My Life

Sitting here looking at a photo of my dog Candy, I am reminded of the things we leave behind. There is a collage of her on my wall, and in one photo she is looking directly into the camera as though she is looking directly at me. I love that shot, so as I look I tell her that she will never be forgotten and my mind drifts to the spot in my back home yard where she rests in a cardboard box sealed tightly by her vet enclosed with her blue blankie. She is in the spot where she was laid to rest by my parents and me on a pleasant February day almost two years ago under a shade tree several feet beneath a concrete marker my dad had poured especially for her. In fact, it was he who insisted on a service and proper burial that caused me to drive her body in the trunk from NC where she died to GA where she was buried before returning to DC.

That day was so long ago, distanced by the events that transpire with time, yet it seems like yesterday. The memories of Candy and that day I hold dear. Candy died of what killed my dad a year and more before him. He had just come out of the hospital fighting it the day before Candy died. They shared a bond like that and it was important to him that she be remembered properly. So when I think of Candy’s burial and her special spot under the tree, I think of him.

I am also reminded of what I have taken with me from that moment and what I have left behind. I have taken all of the love that both of them have given me, Candy for 16+ years and my dad for my whole life. I am strengthened by the fact that I thought the pain of leaving Candy in that one spot of my life’s history felt like it would never end, but that is a pain I have left behind. The loss of my father fills me with a different pain, a different longing, far more intense and more profound, but I am encouraged because the pain of that loss I will one day leave behind although the memories I never will.

So I smile when I think of Candy and her antics as I prepare myself to reach out to another dog and try loving a pet once again. I understand that I will one day embrace a step-father eventually whom could never replace my dad but could be just as worthy of my love and respect.

When our loved ones get off the life merry-go-round, we sometimes feel stuck in that one spot, not knowing how to move forward without them and sometimes feeling guilty for the moments we feel they’ll never share. But the funny thing about that playground toy is that it will keep right on spinning regardless of whether we want it to–just like life. I’m learning that what we take with us in the way of memories as the wheel keeps on spinning is far more useful and valuable than the pain and self-pity for our own loss (no matter how warranted) that we must learn to leave behind.

Dear A, formerly NLC,

It’s me, Candy Doggy. Occassionally, we’re allowed to communicate with you guys down there, and since you couldn’t seem to catch my messages in your dreams, I had to find another way.

Everything will be just fine. I’m right here barking for you, and no one has been able to shut me up. I saw you looking at our pictures–keep holding my memory near. You can’t see it, but a better love is just around the corner from you. Keep living, okay? You get more years than I do, so don’t waste a single one.

I’ll meet you again in your dreams. I’ll be the one licking your face. Don’t swat too hard, okay. I love you and I miss you too. You were the best a lady doggy could ever hope for.

Wags, barks, and kisses,
Candy

Hi ya’ll. This is Candy S. Puppydog hijacking Native’s page again. She’s tired as a greyhound after a doggy race, so I’m sure she won’t notice that I’m using her space. And, too, she seems to have lost her Will to write these days. She’s busy trippin off some people are never what you think they are stuff. Whatever. I could’ve told her that. I’ve been sniffin people for quite some time, and it’s always the ones who smell the best and scratch your ears just the right way that you have to be wary of. Humans will never learn how to sniff one another. Such a limited species.

In My world, a lot has been going on. That Native has had me living in three different places since the middle of October. You noticed, too? That’s not even a month?! Truth is…she’s busy trying to find us a place with more space for me where I can have my own room again. I’d much rather have a nice soft patch of grass with visions of t-bones in hidden corners dancing through my head. “Twas the night before steak dinner, and all through the house, my doggy stomach was growling, fear in every cat and every mouse….” I digress.

Oh yes, MY world. I’ve just gotten out of the hospital a few days ago. All that moving around had my arthritis actin up, so Native tried to give me some medicine once she figured out why I had no interest in that dirt like stuff she tries to pass off as my food. Boy, that Uncle Arthur in my spine was killin’ me!! Between the meds that Native concocted and the shot of narcs that the good Dr. Let Me Bite His Hand gave me, I was high as a shelf of leftover steak. I believe I saw the doggy afterlife. Then that crap tore up my stomach, and that’s exactly what I did-CRAP!! Everywhere. And I crapped everything until there was nothing left but…well, I guess you don’t really want to know the details. But that’s how I ended up in the ER and then my regular doctor’s hospital.

And let me tell you about the ER. Quite plush. Bet you didn’t know that my hospital is fancier than yours? Humans aren’t allowed back with the patient in the hospital I go to. It’s in the richie rich section of upper NW DC and I have interns, attendings, and cute little male nurses all at my beck and call. My room, equipped with state of the art computer monitoring stuff so Native can watch my exam and progress from the lobby. They even have a play section set up for me in the waiting room. Even though the wait is only a little shorter than in a human ER, it sure is more enjoyable. My hospital doesn’t smell like dog ish and cat piss either. The designer ceramic tile.is.spotless. Yes, I live the good life when I check in. The only sucky part is that darn needle that *(&&^&^( (*&)(*&&&* nurse keeps trying to stick up my tail!!! Who told humans that was a comfy thing for them to do?!! How would you like it if I stuck a pole up your hole?!! I mean, we must be proportionately fair.

Anyway, since I’m starting to ramble, I’ll release you from having to listen to my thoughts. But your aren’t really listening are you? And I don’t speak your language do I? So this is all just a dream. When you wake up, you won’t remember anything…Shhhhhhhhhh

Candy

Hey ya’ll,

I’m lurking on Native’s page again. Seems I can only get her out of the way on Fridays, but I’ll take that. So how are things in your neck of the woods. Native has been so busy lately, I’ve hardly been entertained. What do you do when your humans leave you? Ugh, the lost table food and belly rubs.

As you can tell, there have been no long urine-driven walks for me. I’ve barely had time to sqwuat a paw and do my business. Couldn’t even see the forest for the trees, literally, since all I could do was get just close enough to a tree to do the do. I’ll be glad when things slow down for her..
Oh-oh. Here she comes running in to grab something now. Darnit!!! I gotta cut this short and go before she becomes on to me. Later. CAtch you next week when I can really have my say. Oh yeah, my girl Max is gonna guest blog soon. Be on the lo o k o u t…….

Roof!!

Candy

Hey ya’ll,

I’m lurking on Native’s page again. Seems I can only get her out of the way on Fridays, but I’ll take that. So how are things in your neck of the woods. Native has been so busy lately, I’ve hardly been entertained. What do you do when your humans leave you? Ugh, the lost table food and belly rubs.

As you can tell, there have been no long urine-driven walks for me. I’ve barely had time to sqwuat a paw and do my business. Couldn’t even see the forest for the trees, literally, since all I could do was get just close enough to a tree to do the do. I’ll be glad when things slow down for her..
Oh-oh. Here she comes running in to grab something now. Darnit!!! I gotta cut this short and go before she becomes on to me. Later. CAtch you next week when I can really have my say. Oh yeah, my girl Max is gonna guest blog soon. Be on the lo o k o u t…….

Roof!!

Candy