“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore…and who always will. There’s a reason why the people from your past didn’t make it to your future.”
Two VIPs have fallen on the “who won’t anymore” list. It sucks when that happens. I value friendship more than most other relationships, and it strikes me as strange when others do not. If I allow someone in my life in a close and personal way, that acceptance is without conditions but not without expectations. I shared my list of expectations with someone today who agrees that my list is not long; neither is it too demanding. My standards are not unreasonable, but they are high.
Perhaps the problem is that I’ve been playing in a friendship slum.
God is the ONLY one in whom we can put complete trust who will never let us down. People are human and letting you down is what they do. It’s what we do.
This week has been rough. Work threw me some curve balls and life gave me a few fast ones. When I needed them most, where were my friends?
Fortunately, a few of them were right where they belonged–by my side. One of my girls and I had a great catch-up convo that was therapeutic. A godmother jumped in to do some over the phone hand holding. My bestie called and he gave me a few laughs. God is good.
Everyone isn’t meant to weather every storm with me, but I thank God that He’s beside me to shield me through every one.
My mom got some not-so-bad but definitely not-so-good medical news. I told my bestie that in my heart she just has to be okay because I know God knows how much I can bear and he just wouldn’t… Then I thought of Job and said, “Yes, He would.”
My sister and I spoke and she mentioned Job as well and pointed me to what I believe was Job 6:11. “What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?” She said after she flipped from there she turned right to the end of the book where God gave Job double of all that he had lost.
Let me digress. The NIV version of Job 6:11 reads: “What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?”
We’re always told to wait, so I wait, and I wait, and I wait, and I’m still waiting. And when I feel like I don’t know if I want to wait anymore, I still wait…and life comes and life comes. Job was feeling me a few thousand years ago. Basically, he says, where is the strength that I’m supposed to use to continue to hope, and what is there in my future to hope for that I should even be patient? Job had lost everything that even mattered. All of things he lost were things that actually mattered to him.
There are only a few things in my life that really matter to me. One of the biggest was my dad. Another is my mom. Would God allow them both to be taken from me in quick succession? Yes, He would. Will He? I do not know, but I sure hope not. I’m going to pray that His will be done and hope real strong that His will is the same as mine.
I’m looking at all God’s promises and trying not to be cynical, especially when His track record is batting for gold. I have to wonder why I can believe the newspaper without question and can still doubt God’s Word.
After Job lost everything that mattered, God gave him double. That is extraordinary! But it does not mean that Job didn’t miss what he had at first with the possible exception of his wife, but perhaps there were even things about her that he missed. Job missed his first children, I’m sure, but the life lesson is that he was able to move on. I, too, must move.
I may have to move sad, scared, and somewhat broken, but I do have to move.
I feel that there is so much that I have lost and I often wonder when thinking of what’s been lost, “How can God do better than this–meaning better than He’s already done?” But just as there’s a reference for ridiculous suffering, there is one for extraordinary gifts…like the ones He gave Job.
I have concluded that I have no other choice than to trust Him. That’s all I can do.
Everyone’s busy. Everyone’s got a lot going on. That’s the world we live in–a world where people are too darn busy and they just don’t reach out. They text. And there is no human touch.
Has the desire to be touched been lost? No. But the need goes unmet in a world where folks facebook (fb) one another in the same house or text between floors or email instead of making a phone call with a real voice connect.
Our world is instant, technology savvy, but we are farther apart than we have ever been. Even farther apart than we were back when the world was young and we were separated by miles and seas–because now we can have oceans in our living rooms.
Don’t text me. Let me hear your voice. Don’t email me. Make the sacrifice of time and mail me a handwritten note.
Let me know you care–if you indeed do. Find a way to touch me. Reach me. Be near me. Find a way–make one if you must.
The impersonal just isn’t personal enough.
The world is just too busy. And we don’t make time for those who need us most…as if we even know who they are.
What will you remember most about your loved ones? Their best text, email, IM, or the times you spent together?
And what about your friends or those who’ve spoken a kind word or shown you an act of grace or kindness? When did you last connect to say “hello,” “thinking about you,” or “I love you”?
Words matter. Human touch matters. They matter because love matters and love is serendipitously intertwined with sacrifice and inconvenience. So in all of your busy, you are NOT too busy to show you care.
From the Philly pool debacle to the Gates arrest to Soledad’s *inspiring* documentary, I’m tired of being Black in America. Can I just be? Well, the media seem to think not…
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I really do wish that someone would write a relationship book targeted towards men. Here are a few topics it should cover:
* How to Know When You Are Out of Your League (and Yes, there is such a thing)
* How to Follow the Old School Rules of Courting: You Court a Wife, You *fill in the blank* a ______
* How to Turn a ___ Into a Housewife: You Can’t, So Here’s How to Find a Quality Mate
* Who Pays for What and When
* Pick-up Lines You Should NEVER Use
* The Proper Role of Technology in a Millennial Relationship
* What to Do on A First Date and How to Land a Second and Third and Fourth
* How to Trust Your Girl: Becoming Trustworthy
* Sex-Who, What, When, Where, Why, How, and So What?
I’m sure there are others.
Now, I would say that the potential audience for this book would be the same as the intended audience for Harvey’s book: those without a whole lot of the sense that’s common or the wit of a mom or mother figure from which to learn. Any man who was “raised right” (pretend we agree on what that means) will not need so much instruction…we hope.
I listened to my sister and her friend talk about some of their issues. My sis’s friend wondered something I have wondered once upon a time. She wonders why on earth God brought a man into her life who is her ideal but with whom she is not in a relationship. I have no answers for that one other than to suggest that maybe the point is to learn that because the ideal exists in one body it can exist in another, so settling should not ever, ever be an option.
After all, who prefers store brand ice cream after having Ben & Jerry’s, Haagen Daaz, or Maggie Moo Moos? Boy, do I miss ice cream sometimes! *sigh*
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Why aren’t there more vegan, as opposed to vegetarian, options in mainstream restaurants? And why is the South almost single-handedly anti-vegan? You’d think I’d be losing weight, but what the South lacks in vegan entrees it has hand over fist in desserts…to my waistline’s detriment.
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Soledad is now going to do Latino in America. Why? Just why?
…with a bunch of frills in a church house and a plated dinner reception complete with live orchestra or band?
Dragonfly’s comment on “Shaking My Head” led me to this question. Can any married person or single person desiring a church wedding please explain to me the purpose and/or joy of getting married with all the bells and whistles? I’m sincerely trying to make peace with this.
Also, for those familiar with the Bridezilla phenom, what are some ways women can avoid it? I have some ideas, but let me hear from you.
Yesterday was a doozy. I woke up to that ridiculous friend request and ended the evening with my newly college graduated and newly engaged but very sheltered 23-year old cousin telling me about some foolishness that sent me from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds.
The dude who pursued me beginning the day of my father’s funeral has been trying to hit on my little cousin who is almost half his age. He.is.toxic. Seriously. She was glad to get it off her chest and have someone affirm that she was not crazy: her instinct was on point. I warned her to stay away and I hope she does.
He means no good and has a serious problem. I suggested therapy, more intense therapy than the therapy he already has. That “fill in the blank with any derogatory word” is crazy. And I mean that. Had I not been in such a dazed and dysfunctional state after my dad died, he never would’ve been given the time of day.
I don’t know if you understand the level of crazy, so here are some direct quotes:
The day after the burial: “Your father wanted me to be with you. He wanted me to marry you.” He had had one conversation in his life with my dad and used these words every chance he got to get me to give him a chance even though he had a newborn and a girlfriend/fiance’ en route to move in with him.
“I can’t lie. I didn’t really know your father that well. I came to your father’s funeral just to see you. I knew you were vulnerable and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t plan to prey on that.” WHO DOES THAT?!!
“Thank you for compromising your salvation to be with me.” THIS REQUIRES NO EXPLANATION.
Beyond these three quotes, he has exhibited stalker-like tendencies, fits the profile of a pedophile, and would not surprise me if he were accused or locked up for sexual assault. He is a manipulative, sadistic, obsessed, and possessed being who deserves the height of antipathy that my soul does feel for him. He is one mistake I wish I’d never met.
He kept encouraging me to spend time with my cousin who is his godsister, and about the time I cut him off, he increased his efforts to get to her. He clearly intended for her to communicate his efforts to me, which she did only because she saw a pic of him in my computer files. When she asked about them and I told her to delete them, she confided in me. Without telling all, I told her enough to keep her safe if she listens. I pray she listens. He is doing all of this to get my attention–even my negative attention. I am not afraid of him and will keep him right on mute. I am resisting the urge to open a can of you know.
I sooo want this man with whom I do not communicate at all out of my life. He’s messy, and messy can cost a lot.
My problem is that I prayed to God to help me make sure I have a forgiving spirit. I should’ve known I’d walk into some mess like this: my ex’s wife and then Chester Molester. That God of mine only teaches by testing.
Boy, do I miss ice cream sometimes! *sigh*