I’m still here. There are so many things that perplex me that I want weigh in on.
I’m saddened, disturbed, and disgusted by the treatment of runner Caster Semenya, but since I am scheduled to give a talk on her situation, I’ll save my comments for that.
I want to thank everyone who participated in the secret surprise baby shower. Thank you sooooo much for your contributions.
I am elated about the revamping of the prayer ministry at my church and my participation in it. I may not be one to offer too much counseling, but I can send up timber and get a response.
I have no idea in which direction my life is headed and I’m becoming more peaceful with not knowing all of the details. If I knew what I’d have to go through to get where I want, I’d probably tell God never mind, so it’s for the best that I know not everything.
I am all over the place because I have so much to say and no clear plan for saying it.
Have you ever had a relationship with someone that was unremarkable and you later wondered, “What did I ever do that for?” That’s how I feel about my summer fling. Completely unremarkable. We barely chat now even though I think he believes that we will potentially reconnect again. I know for certain that we will not. IF he only knew.
Oh yeah. I want to weigh in on Whitney and how proud I am of her for re-emerging back in her right mind. I am happy for her daughter as well who is for the first time meeting a drug-free mommy. God ROCKS!!!
I also thought it funny how Oprah just gave up on rephrasing Whitney’s references to God and the Holy Spirit to say “Spirit.” LOL Whitney knew what she meant and that’s exactly what she said. I’m glad God and reading His Word got her through, and I’m also glad she went through and came out to be a beacon of light to so many others. I pray that she can maintain her victory. And I thank God for praying mommas because I know my own has seen me out of many a bind as Whitney’s mother’s prayers saw her through.
Hooray for Whitney!!!
Also, I think it ironic that my cousins and their children call me Cousin A and feel some kind of way when they hear me reference my sister as my sister–who shares no parents or familial relationship with me. To me, she is my sister, period, and that’s a closer relationship than cousin. My children will call her aunt. Additionally, my bff’s children were trained to call me auntie before ever meeting me and I’ve already committed to do more for them than I probably will for any in my own family. It’s all about relationship, and to them, I am their aunt, which is a closer kinship than cousin. Some family members take relationship for granted as though it’s not something that has to be developed, but if you want special favors and treatment, it definitely does. In my family members’ defense, I was raised like a step-sibling to my cousins because of my only child status, which was closer than the average cousin but still not the same as a sibling. My sister’s mom treats me like another daughter–period. I get presents just like my sister at holidays.
As my uncle said last week when I called out of the blue, he can’t expect me to call him on the regular when he never calls me. Such is life. I am known for being a child whisperer of sorts, so it’s quite an accomplishment that comes with bells and whistles when I take a liking to someone’s child because (as my bff knows) I don’t like everyone’s children…and I will tell their parents this. Most of my friends and I have similar child rearing practices, so it’s mostly in my family where I take a hands off approach to ill-mannered youngins. I ramble, but my point is that who is closest to me is determined on my own terms. That just is.
I am honored that I have four godsons and one more on the way. I also have my bff’s two daughters and a co-worker’s daughter as nieces. I have four special younger cousins that with the exception of one won’t share many of the memories that my adopted nieces and three of my godsons will. That’s quite enough for me. The more children you add, the deeper one’s pockets must be.
“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore…and who always will. There’s a reason why the people from your past didn’t make it to your future.”
Two VIPs have fallen on the “who won’t anymore” list. It sucks when that happens. I value friendship more than most other relationships, and it strikes me as strange when others do not. If I allow someone in my life in a close and personal way, that acceptance is without conditions but not without expectations. I shared my list of expectations with someone today who agrees that my list is not long; neither is it too demanding. My standards are not unreasonable, but they are high.
Perhaps the problem is that I’ve been playing in a friendship slum.
God is the ONLY one in whom we can put complete trust who will never let us down. People are human and letting you down is what they do. It’s what we do.
This week has been rough. Work threw me some curve balls and life gave me a few fast ones. When I needed them most, where were my friends?
Fortunately, a few of them were right where they belonged–by my side. One of my girls and I had a great catch-up convo that was therapeutic. A godmother jumped in to do some over the phone hand holding. My bestie called and he gave me a few laughs. God is good.
Everyone isn’t meant to weather every storm with me, but I thank God that He’s beside me to shield me through every one.
My mom got some not-so-bad but definitely not-so-good medical news. I told my bestie that in my heart she just has to be okay because I know God knows how much I can bear and he just wouldn’t… Then I thought of Job and said, “Yes, He would.”
My sister and I spoke and she mentioned Job as well and pointed me to what I believe was Job 6:11. “What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?” She said after she flipped from there she turned right to the end of the book where God gave Job double of all that he had lost.
Let me digress. The NIV version of Job 6:11 reads: “What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?”
We’re always told to wait, so I wait, and I wait, and I wait, and I’m still waiting. And when I feel like I don’t know if I want to wait anymore, I still wait…and life comes and life comes. Job was feeling me a few thousand years ago. Basically, he says, where is the strength that I’m supposed to use to continue to hope, and what is there in my future to hope for that I should even be patient? Job had lost everything that even mattered. All of things he lost were things that actually mattered to him.
There are only a few things in my life that really matter to me. One of the biggest was my dad. Another is my mom. Would God allow them both to be taken from me in quick succession? Yes, He would. Will He? I do not know, but I sure hope not. I’m going to pray that His will be done and hope real strong that His will is the same as mine.
I’m looking at all God’s promises and trying not to be cynical, especially when His track record is batting for gold. I have to wonder why I can believe the newspaper without question and can still doubt God’s Word.
After Job lost everything that mattered, God gave him double. That is extraordinary! But it does not mean that Job didn’t miss what he had at first with the possible exception of his wife, but perhaps there were even things about her that he missed. Job missed his first children, I’m sure, but the life lesson is that he was able to move on. I, too, must move.
I may have to move sad, scared, and somewhat broken, but I do have to move.
I feel that there is so much that I have lost and I often wonder when thinking of what’s been lost, “How can God do better than this–meaning better than He’s already done?” But just as there’s a reference for ridiculous suffering, there is one for extraordinary gifts…like the ones He gave Job.
I have concluded that I have no other choice than to trust Him. That’s all I can do.
Everyone’s busy. Everyone’s got a lot going on. That’s the world we live in–a world where people are too darn busy and they just don’t reach out. They text. And there is no human touch.
Has the desire to be touched been lost? No. But the need goes unmet in a world where folks facebook (fb) one another in the same house or text between floors or email instead of making a phone call with a real voice connect.
Our world is instant, technology savvy, but we are farther apart than we have ever been. Even farther apart than we were back when the world was young and we were separated by miles and seas–because now we can have oceans in our living rooms.
Don’t text me. Let me hear your voice. Don’t email me. Make the sacrifice of time and mail me a handwritten note.
Let me know you care–if you indeed do. Find a way to touch me. Reach me. Be near me. Find a way–make one if you must.
The impersonal just isn’t personal enough.
The world is just too busy. And we don’t make time for those who need us most…as if we even know who they are.
What will you remember most about your loved ones? Their best text, email, IM, or the times you spent together?
And what about your friends or those who’ve spoken a kind word or shown you an act of grace or kindness? When did you last connect to say “hello,” “thinking about you,” or “I love you”?
Words matter. Human touch matters. They matter because love matters and love is serendipitously intertwined with sacrifice and inconvenience. So in all of your busy, you are NOT too busy to show you care.
What I know for sure, is that it makes me want to SCREAM!!!!
It just occurred to me while watching “Black or White” that the whole reason that the custody of Michael Jackson’s children is even a topic for the media, aside from the money, is the fact that this Black man had the audacity to engineer, birth, and raise these three visibly white or biracial children. It just dawned on me that the fact is one that appalls many and was reason enough for Jackson to shield his children from the public and the media so that they could have childhoods.
All children are beautiful–it doesn’t matter if they’re black or white.
I know I’m full of posts today! Enjoy it because next week might be slim…
I am teary-eyed right now because my brothers and I are about to accomplish what we could not during my father’s life…a happy family.
I just have memories of one of them always disrespecting my mom—so I kept him at a distance. The other I recall as being slow and aloof. Well, there is yet another MIA, but this isn’t about him.
I was about to see my brother, but he’s headed here to put flowers on my dad’s grave along with the other brother. He’s said he wanted to see my mom, and she called on my line about that time. She agreed to lunch on her break and will meet my brothers and me at a restaurant not far from our house, my dad’s favorite spot.
My family, all of my dad’s outside children and myself along with my parents, never once sat down at the same table and dined together. We’ve been at family gatherings together, but not ever as a unit. I still call myself an only child because I was for so long even though the boys are older.
What amazes me is that my dad would’ve been ecstatic if we could’ve done this while he was alive. Maybe what matters most is that we’ve gotten it right now.
Enjoy it because next week might be slim…