One of my girlfriends asked me yesterday for one of my eggs. Yes, those eggs. She’s older than I and just wants to be pregnant again. She’s funny.
She says she’ll be my surrogate and give me the child when she’s done, but she just enjoyed being pregnant. She has one child.
I laughed–hard, and said sure thing. You want to get all stretched out of shape and carry my child just for the sake of carrying one? Knock yourself out and save me the physical trouble.
The irony is that she is not the first to offer to carry a child for me. And I have no fertility problems. I’m quite fertile and all things work as they should. I just put that on a shelf with men who would want to procreate with me because they believe we’d have beautiful babies. Whatever.
I don’t get it, but if the person is responsible, I don’t think I’d have too much of a problem with it–the surrogacy, not the random dude procreation. Guess I’m odd like that.
“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore…and who always will. There’s a reason why the people from your past didn’t make it to your future.”
Two VIPs have fallen on the “who won’t anymore” list. It sucks when that happens. I value friendship more than most other relationships, and it strikes me as strange when others do not. If I allow someone in my life in a close and personal way, that acceptance is without conditions but not without expectations. I shared my list of expectations with someone today who agrees that my list is not long; neither is it too demanding. My standards are not unreasonable, but they are high.
Perhaps the problem is that I’ve been playing in a friendship slum.
God is the ONLY one in whom we can put complete trust who will never let us down. People are human and letting you down is what they do. It’s what we do.
This week has been rough. Work threw me some curve balls and life gave me a few fast ones. When I needed them most, where were my friends?
Fortunately, a few of them were right where they belonged–by my side. One of my girls and I had a great catch-up convo that was therapeutic. A godmother jumped in to do some over the phone hand holding. My bestie called and he gave me a few laughs. God is good.
Everyone isn’t meant to weather every storm with me, but I thank God that He’s beside me to shield me through every one.
My mom got some not-so-bad but definitely not-so-good medical news. I told my bestie that in my heart she just has to be okay because I know God knows how much I can bear and he just wouldn’t… Then I thought of Job and said, “Yes, He would.”
My sister and I spoke and she mentioned Job as well and pointed me to what I believe was Job 6:11. “What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?” She said after she flipped from there she turned right to the end of the book where God gave Job double of all that he had lost.
Let me digress. The NIV version of Job 6:11 reads: “What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?”
We’re always told to wait, so I wait, and I wait, and I wait, and I’m still waiting. And when I feel like I don’t know if I want to wait anymore, I still wait…and life comes and life comes. Job was feeling me a few thousand years ago. Basically, he says, where is the strength that I’m supposed to use to continue to hope, and what is there in my future to hope for that I should even be patient? Job had lost everything that even mattered. All of things he lost were things that actually mattered to him.
There are only a few things in my life that really matter to me. One of the biggest was my dad. Another is my mom. Would God allow them both to be taken from me in quick succession? Yes, He would. Will He? I do not know, but I sure hope not. I’m going to pray that His will be done and hope real strong that His will is the same as mine.
I’m looking at all God’s promises and trying not to be cynical, especially when His track record is batting for gold. I have to wonder why I can believe the newspaper without question and can still doubt God’s Word.
After Job lost everything that mattered, God gave him double. That is extraordinary! But it does not mean that Job didn’t miss what he had at first with the possible exception of his wife, but perhaps there were even things about her that he missed. Job missed his first children, I’m sure, but the life lesson is that he was able to move on. I, too, must move.
I may have to move sad, scared, and somewhat broken, but I do have to move.
I feel that there is so much that I have lost and I often wonder when thinking of what’s been lost, “How can God do better than this–meaning better than He’s already done?” But just as there’s a reference for ridiculous suffering, there is one for extraordinary gifts…like the ones He gave Job.
I have concluded that I have no other choice than to trust Him. That’s all I can do.
Everyone’s busy. Everyone’s got a lot going on. That’s the world we live in–a world where people are too darn busy and they just don’t reach out. They text. And there is no human touch.
Has the desire to be touched been lost? No. But the need goes unmet in a world where folks facebook (fb) one another in the same house or text between floors or email instead of making a phone call with a real voice connect.
Our world is instant, technology savvy, but we are farther apart than we have ever been. Even farther apart than we were back when the world was young and we were separated by miles and seas–because now we can have oceans in our living rooms.
Don’t text me. Let me hear your voice. Don’t email me. Make the sacrifice of time and mail me a handwritten note.
Let me know you care–if you indeed do. Find a way to touch me. Reach me. Be near me. Find a way–make one if you must.
The impersonal just isn’t personal enough.
The world is just too busy. And we don’t make time for those who need us most…as if we even know who they are.
What will you remember most about your loved ones? Their best text, email, IM, or the times you spent together?
And what about your friends or those who’ve spoken a kind word or shown you an act of grace or kindness? When did you last connect to say “hello,” “thinking about you,” or “I love you”?
Words matter. Human touch matters. They matter because love matters and love is serendipitously intertwined with sacrifice and inconvenience. So in all of your busy, you are NOT too busy to show you care.
