I got an evite from a friend’s husband for a baby shower for his wife. I should have been excited but was disturbed.
I met this friend through a mutual friend, let’s call her Z, when she and I were in Z’s wedding. When she called and told me that she was finally expecting after having been trying for several years, I was soooo happy for her. She told me she’d already called Z and had asked Z to throw a shower for her.
I called Z and told her to let me know if there was anything I could do to help because New Mommy (NM) is a very sweet person. Z shocked the heck out of me!! She said she hadn’t replied to NM’s request or messages because she was upset with her for having put on slippers at her wedding after having told others not to do so. *blink*blink*blank stare*
Color me flabbergasted!!! NM had delivered the message at Z’s request. Z was really showing out during her nuptial period, and NM tried very hard to be a buffer and keep Z calm. Z felt like NM had been annoying and wanted to tell her about herself, but this was FOUR MONTHS LATER!!! Was it that serious? NM had had back to back family issues going on and Z never felt it was the “right time” to voice her concerns, but were they really worth voicing?
NM had spent a mint of money on Z’s wedding. I know because so did I and some of the other participants. I told her she needed to let it go and move on. I asked her if it was worth risking a loooong friendship with her matron of honor over something so simple. (I’m giving you the short version because it gets even more ridiculous than this.) I thought she heard me, but apparently, she didn’t agree.
Although she’s on the invite list, the shower evite did not come from her. I’m going to guess that she didn’t confront NM but preferred to give her the silent treatment, which resulted in NM’s hubby hosting her shower.
I know for a fact that NM is probably the best friend that Z has. She ALWAYS put Z first when planning for Z’s wedding. She traveled from out of town more than once to do things wedding related. She always began and ended with, What would Z like? She was more committed than I was. Seriously.
I am not surprised at Z, but I am disappointed.
People like Z are why I don’t agree to participate in many weddings. Now, that’s hard to believe considering I’ve been a maid of honor twice, a hostess twice, and a bride’s maid three times. I haven’t even said “yes” every time I’ve been asked. Some people just take the “It’s my day…” business entirely too far. The most gracious bride I’ve ever attended was my older cousin. She had not a drop of divatude and just made everyone feel wonderful. She was more concerned with everyone else than with herself. She was calm and happy the whole day. I had one soror who’s wedding I attended who was the exact same way–calm and sweet.
Lord Jesus, please let me be calm and sweet and not make the people around me hate me. Please and amen.
If I can’t attend NM’s shower, I will certainly be sending a gift. She didn’t even know me and sent an arrangement and made several follow-up calls when my father died. I’ll just have to put and keep Z on my prayer list.
I had to read the first 2 paragraphs 3 times to understand which character did what, and this is where I kept getting stark “Z shocked the heck out of me!! She said she hadn’t replied to Z’s request or messages because she was upset with her for having put on slippers at her wedding after having told others not to do so. *blink*blink*blank stare*” I assumed that you meant she said she hadn’t replied to NM’s request or message???
And made it to the end of the post after getting really stuck in para 2-4, I am pretty slow so I prefer things told to me like I am 5:)
That sounds very petty though, over some slipper issues, ohh sometimes I really hate chicks, and totally agree with Dfly for not having too many chick friends, this is pathetic… that said I have let friendships seemingly stupid reasons, but try when I feel a bit more like myself to reach other and save those I can, some r gone forever and probably for the best.
Hopefully Z will come to her senses and at least make it to the friend’s baby shower…
My bad. You’re right. Z didn’t reply to NM’s request or message. You got it. Sorry about that. Z has a good heart, but sometimes her stuff can be just so, so, heartless.
Comment by Shazza — June 17, 2009 @ 1:31 p
dang lady…you’ve been IN more weddings than i’ve even attended in my entire life. i’m exaggerating but still, that’s a whole lot of wedding partyness - get it! people must really love and think highly of you, which is an awesome blessing and honor. folks don’t just ask any ol’ body to be a part of such a special day.
i’m sorry your friend is having such a difficult time with her friend. it’s always sad to me when friendships break up or go through trial separations (lol). i think a breakup of a friendship is in some ways even more tragic than a romantic breakup (except of course for a marital divorce). i surely hope those ladies patch things up and rekindle the love and friendship they once had.
though the slipper thing sounds petty, i totally understand how even the most simplistic things can cause a great deal of hurt and frustration. i’ve been there :-/
i, too, hope that IF God blesses me to be a bride some day, that i’ll make the experience wonderful for all involved.
You’re far too thoughtful and kind to be a Bridezilla although I’ve seen it happen to the best of them. I, too, hope they can get past this. I’ll see if I see the bride at the shower. You mention being a bride. Do you want to have a big wedding? Except for my mom’s sake, I don’t think I’d want to have one. It just seems like a lot of money and a lot of trouble. I really wish someone who’s had one could explain to me the joy of it in the same way you describe the joys of pending mommyhood. I sincerely don’t understand.
Comment by dragonflysoul — June 18, 2009 @ 1:31 p
the only thing that would turn me into a Bridezilla is someone telling me how to run my own show. other than that, i certainly don’t see me barking at people or having unreasonable, spoiled brat requests lol.
honestly, no i don’t want a big wedding. AT ALL. i’d be perfectly content with me, my groom, a maid/matron of honor, a best man, a minister, and only our immediate families and best/closest friends and God Himself in attendance. a max of about 20 people all together, somewhere intimate and beautiful, perhaps outside by a body of water (lakeside or beach). my gown would be simple but beautiful - i’m not a frilly, lacy kinda girl. and i’d be barefoof for all i care
and the people attending, i’d want to be comfortable - dressy-casual sundresses, sandals, pants, etc. no expensive Easter dresses and big hats. and a nice reception afterward where people can eat and dance on the beach and hop in the water if they want
(After we take pics of course LOL)
to me, spending 30 G’s on a wedding that lasts 20 minutes is outrageous. prayerfully, if i ever have a groom-to-be, he’ll feel the same way.
You’ve just described my ideal wedding. It would be just for the couple and family and not about putting on a show to stop all shows for the whole world to see. My family is so large I could probably only pull this off as a destination wedding. Southern folks do.not.travel for a wedding…not anywhere outside driving distance anyway.
Comment by dragonflysoul — June 22, 2009 @ 1:31 p
um…yeah, let’s make that “barefoot”. i don’t know what a “foof” is, but i think i’ll pass. see, this is why i proofread when i’m not being lazy.
LOL!!!!! Ok, I see the benefit of proofing.
Comment by dragonflysoul — June 22, 2009 @ 1:31 p