Yesterday was a doozy. I woke up to that ridiculous friend request and ended the evening with my newly college graduated and newly engaged but very sheltered 23-year old cousin telling me about some foolishness that sent me from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds.
The dude who pursued me beginning the day of my father’s funeral has been trying to hit on my little cousin who is almost half his age. He.is.toxic. Seriously. She was glad to get it off her chest and have someone affirm that she was not crazy: her instinct was on point. I warned her to stay away and I hope she does.
He means no good and has a serious problem. I suggested therapy, more intense therapy than the therapy he already has. That “fill in the blank with any derogatory word” is crazy. And I mean that. Had I not been in such a dazed and dysfunctional state after my dad died, he never would’ve been given the time of day.
I don’t know if you understand the level of crazy, so here are some direct quotes:
The day after the burial: “Your father wanted me to be with you. He wanted me to marry you.” He had had one conversation in his life with my dad and used these words every chance he got to get me to give him a chance even though he had a newborn and a girlfriend/fiance’ en route to move in with him.
“I can’t lie. I didn’t really know your father that well. I came to your father’s funeral just to see you. I knew you were vulnerable and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t plan to prey on that.” WHO DOES THAT?!!
“Thank you for compromising your salvation to be with me.” THIS REQUIRES NO EXPLANATION.
Beyond these three quotes, he has exhibited stalker-like tendencies, fits the profile of a pedophile, and would not surprise me if he were accused or locked up for sexual assault. He is a manipulative, sadistic, obsessed, and possessed being who deserves the height of antipathy that my soul does feel for him. He is one mistake I wish I’d never met.
He kept encouraging me to spend time with my cousin who is his godsister, and about the time I cut him off, he increased his efforts to get to her. He clearly intended for her to communicate his efforts to me, which she did only because she saw a pic of him in my computer files. When she asked about them and I told her to delete them, she confided in me. Without telling all, I told her enough to keep her safe if she listens. I pray she listens. He is doing all of this to get my attention–even my negative attention. I am not afraid of him and will keep him right on mute. I am resisting the urge to open a can of you know.
I sooo want this man with whom I do not communicate at all out of my life. He’s messy, and messy can cost a lot.
My problem is that I prayed to God to help me make sure I have a forgiving spirit. I should’ve known I’d walk into some mess like this: my ex’s wife and then Chester Molester. That God of mine only teaches by testing.
Geez.
Pray my strength in the Lord.
this man is sick.. or beyond sick, how old is he… i can’t believe he had the nerve to actualy tell you that at yur father’s funeral??
U r un my prayers…
He’s in his 40s. I was in such a daze those first few weeks, and his attentiveness seemed heaven sent, but as time went by, I began to see some things that I knew weren’t right. I’m just glad I made it back to my right mind in time. God’s grace really stepped in in a large way.
Comment by Shazza — June 13, 2009 @ 1:31 p
The man sounds like someone who feeds off of the reaction of others. I suspect he might be “a tad bit evil”. The opposite of love is indifference not hate. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing his antics are causing me stress. If he comes around uninvited, perhaps you may need to call the authorities to have it on record in the event you need to obtain a restraining order
I think you’re right about the feeding off of reactions. That’s what my best friend told me, which is why I am continuing to ignore him. And I am right there with you on the restraining order. I’ve documented asking him to stay away from me, so I have no problems taking the next step. I doubt he’ll come around me because he has too much to lose. He thrives off of doing things in secret and being exposed is his worst nightmare. He has far more to lose in that regard than I do, but I just refuse to give him the time or space to further acknowledge his existence beyond this space here.
Thanks Yollie for checking in.
Comment by Yollie B — June 13, 2009 @ 1:31 p