Days of My Life

I have an associate who claims he is a sex addict. At first, I was like, yeah, right, you horn dog. However, the better I’ve gotten to know him, I’m not so sure he’s off point. And I was a born skeptic at first.

I looked up the following questionnaire at Sex Addicts Anonymous:

A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment

Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.

1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
He does.

2. Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?
Would one consider outdoors on the side of a road with cars passing by a “normal” place?

3. Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?
Does an internet webcam count for this?

4. Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?
What if he can’t complete a whole conversation without referencing his fantasies?

5. Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
Naw, he’s conditioned himself to not feel guilt but to accept his vice, as horrible as he says it is.

6. Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?
He has no problems touching his body and does it often.

7. Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship?
He seems to be living his life on repeat of stupidity.

8. Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?
From what I’ve learned, this does seem to be the case.

9. Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?
I don’t think so but don’t really know about this one.

10. Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?
I would think so because dude is a professed Christian who thinks he’d be “perfect” were it not for his vice.

11. Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?
The reality of children exists and based on sheer numbers alone I don’t doubt he’s at some point had a disease.

12. Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?
I think he’d have to say yes to this.

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out additional literature as a resource or to attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting to further assess your needs.

Dude could easily answer “yes” to over 50% of these questions, but he would have problems differentiating what constitutes an “indecent” phone call as in #9. He sometimes thinks that everyone is into what he’s into and at other times acknowledges the problems that his urges call him. If someone so much as suggests sex (someone who piques his interest), he is off and running like a dog in heat. It’s ridiculous. His brain goes into auto-pilot, and if he could have sex for about eight hours straight a day, he would. He’s even admitted that sometimes he wishes he could kill himself and that if he had one more child he would. Now, I don’t know if he’s serious or if that’s just talk because a lot of times I’ve found that a person can’t take half the stuff that comes out of his mouth seriously, but I’m sure he’ll be the provider of much more blog fodder.

As background, I will add that he was molested at the age of ten although he doesn’t see it that way. He just believes he had an early interest in sex with the babysitter. Okay, could be, but I believe that has some bearing on his current situation.

So, what say you? Do you believe sex addiction is real? Do you know any sex addicts? If you believe it’s real, do you believe it’s treatable? Would you leave someone with this problem alone with your teenage or young adult child or relative?