There are some things in life that are absolutely liberating. Take LH’s comment on the post below for instance. It liberated me!! I was feeling so guilty for hurting someone that I put all pride aside and did the dumb girl pathetic thing. Dude is ignoring me, but yes, I did the stupid and continued to call and text and try to smooth his ruffled feathers. LH and a good friend snapped me back to reality. He knows my number, got the message, and knows how to reach me. I don’t do the tit for tat of tennis, so if and when he calls, I won’t be rude and ignore him (notwithstanding some people need to be ignored) . I’ll pick up the phone and talk if I feel like it and say I don’t if I don’t. What I won’t do is continue to call and reach out because all he will interpret from that is that I’m as clingy and desperate as the nutcase with whom he’s currently dealing. That’s not who I am. I love friends who bring you back to consciousness because LH is right. I don’t owe him any more than I’m willing or able to give. Li-ber-a-ting, I tell you!
Aaron Neville says “everybody plays a fool,” but who says you have to stay one? Pish posh on that. I never would have thought that my grieving would come with so much guilt about any and every little thing that may not really belong to me. Next, I think I’m going to work on liberating myself from that. Some people have no clear consciousness of the fact that they are often better off saying nothing, and sometimes doing nothing, at all.
Thanks L, and thanks Kim.
My family and I have this inside joke whenever someone gets to acting up and we are choosing not to deal with them. It applies to children, friends, whomever.
Cousin 1: Chile, So-and-So was acting a plum fool today! I had to straight ignore his/her *%#@!
Cousin 2: S/He ain’t know? Today is not their day. Tomorrow? Tomorrow might be their day, but today ain’t it.
Get it?
(Excuse the lack of pronoun agreement in our Southern idiom 
)
So, for my friend, my personal heartache for the next few hours (Oh yeah, I’m gone be as sad, happy, or whatever else I want to be before I put him out of my mind and act like it) before I just let him go, “today just ain’t your day.”
Clingy like HER? Eh. Why make the comparison. Not to go too far off on a tangent but I’ve found dudes will tell you their GIRLFRIEND/BABY-MOMMA/WIFE is _____ to get you to either be ____-er or if it’s something they don’t like, to get you to be less ____. How do you know that she’s such a mess and it’s over?? Have you ever had an adult calm convo with HER?
I have never spoken with her, but I know for a fact more than he or she cares to tell me. I have offered to speak with her, and I will leave it at that. We have a strong family connection, and I’ve listened to enough conversations that confirm what he’s told me and more. My own family gave me the 4-1-1 just in case I decided it was something I wanted to pursue. She’s a mess, AND it’s definitely not over as far as I am concerned or can see. All I can know for sure is over is what concerns me, and no, I’m not clingy like her. I REFUSE to get pregnant on purpose to keep or get a man. He’ll only resent the woman in the end. This situation is proof positive. Just too messy for me. Too messy.
In his defense, he has been extremely supportive of me. I can appreciate that.
Comment by Hostess — January 27, 2009 @ 1:31 p
once you’ve done all you can to amend and to stand, it’s no longer in your hands. sometimes our efforts are not returned and it hurts like hell. but when you know you’ve done your part to reach out, you can then begin to make peace with yourself. i commend you for swallowing your pride and reaching out, a step that many of us never make it past.
Thank you. I really believe that when you’re dealing with other people’s feelings and emotions that you ought to let pride go and make the effort to treat them the way you want to be treated even if you know it may not be reciprocated. Often, I find, it is not, but you have got to keep on trying to be the best “you” you know how to be no matter what.
Comment by DflySoul — January 28, 2009 @ 1:31 p
I’m with Dfly. You’ve done all you can. Best to let dude be where he is. When he’s ready to accept your amends, he will come back to you.
He’ll come back, or not. I don’t think I really care too much anymore. I did just what I said and let myself have it out yesterday and was done with it. I don’t know if that’s a strength or a weakness, but I compartmentalize very well, a coping mechanism I picked up early on. I’ve had a pretty perky day today despite the weather. Grrrr!!!
Comment by profunksticated — January 28, 2009 @ 1:31 p