Days of My Life

Hi All,

I will be away for a bit handling things with my pa. My love is critical. Keep us in your prayers as we prepare for his transition.

Con todo mi corazon
Quiero amarte Senor
y vivir mi vida cada dia
conocerte’ Senor
Gracias Jesus
–JoAnn Rosario, “With All My Heart”

I sure hope my translation above is correct. Um, Dragonfly, check that for me please.

I’m about to kill some song lyrics in combination below, so bear with me.

Lord,

I’m available to you. I know you can hear the voice of sinners, but can you wipe away my tears?

For the rest of my life, I’ll praise you because just having you in my life has made the difference. I honor and celebrate your name. In me, there is no doubt or shadow of turning from you. You are great, and you do miracles so great. There is no else like you.

Father, today, can you reach my friend and help him* understand? Can you reach my friend? You’re the only one who can. He’s not on his knees yet. He’s not ready, but let him be blessed, let him be broken, and let him be given to give sight to all mankind. Lord, mold him and make him again and again.

Jesus, can you heal my sister of all her pain and abuse? Can you take away the dread of someone’s wandering hands and the horror of an illegal phallic invasion? Will you heal the tears left by neglect, and will you broker peace in the midst of her storm? Will you take care of nights of loneliness, feelings of depression, and roots of despair? Will you exchange beauty for ashes, strength for fear, laughter for mourning, and peace for despair?

Yes, you can, and yes, you will.

Thank you Father. I may not be able to tell the wind when to blow or the trees to bow at my command. I may not be able to tell the sea when to stop before she rolls across the sand, but there is one consolation, I’m happy to know. I have a Father who can. You are indeed a father who can.

Muchos besos con todo mi corazon,
Tu hija se llama A

Today, I’d planned to write about character. Maybe some other time. Instead, I want to inspire you to “be.”

You are unique
You are special
You are divine
You are extraordinary
BE extraordinary

You are fearless
You are brave
You are powerful beyond measure
You are full of glory and valor
BE valiant

You are radiant
You are life
You are love
You are beautiful
BE beautiful

You are precious
You are a s/hero
You are valuable
Value yourself
and
BE valuable

Hold your applause, please. I just really wanted to share that with someone I hung out with this weekend, and I figured we all can use a reminder from time to time to be good to us.

After not posting all week, I decide to come back with two in one day. Yeah, I rock!!! Anyway, self-adulation aside, I have to tell you that there is one word alone that characterizes my mood as of late, and that word is: indifferent. For me, that one word has one tag line—-WHATEVER.

This is my response to most things right now:

“Oh, that’s how we’re doing this relationship now? Alright, then. Whatever.”

“Sister, you rockin’ your best tude today and you want me to react? Whatever.”

“Ohhhhh, this is the day you think you found someone to go off on, I see. Kick rocks homie. It’s whatever.”

“No, I don’t feel like talking to you this week or this month. That upsets you? Whatever.”

“Now you wanna be all up on me all after the fact when I’m no longer feeling you. Hmmm…that’s nice. Whatever.”

“Oh, snap. You’re setting aside the side piece and want to make us official. Nah, partna. You can keep that. Whatever.”

“Daddy did what today? Ohhhh, Lawd. What else now? Whatever.”

“You’re so angry you could never speak to me again? Mmm…that’s interesting, but whatever. Do I look like I care?”

My dear readers, do you see how this works? Indifferent. And I can’t say I’m mad about it. It’s just where I am, and if anyone doesn’t like it? Well, you know the drill. Whatever.

Photo by Jonathan Charles
(Disclaimer: This is not me in the photo, nor do I know anyone associated with it.)

I woke up happy and chipper today. I love days like these when nothing can dampen my day. The ends of my smile bent just a little as I failed an exam I had to take today. Really, I can’t be too upset about it because I honestly did not prepare and had the nerve to be overconfident at that (about material with which I had no familiarity). Pure stupidity. Anyway, I still feel a smile in my innards. Hee hee. I like that word.

Sooooo, moving on. How do you feel about your body? I know women tend to be self-conscious to a fault, but I wonder if men are too. Sometimes they are more comfortable with the changes that time brings, but I am becoming more comfortable with them too. Take this morning for instance. I looked in the mirror, as I often do, and I smiled at what I saw. I love watching the change that occur in my body as I get older. My hair, my eyes, my butt, my breasts, my tummy–all changing.

My hair now does what I tell it in a way it didn’t when I was younger; perhaps that’s because I finally succeeded in learning how to manipulate it. My eyes are changing their color with time. That’s what I noticed today that made me smile. I saw it in a photo first but up close this morning. I am physically turning into the profile I’ve read of my genetics. Simply fascinating it is. The other changes I note have more to do with weight gain and loss than with age, but still, it’s nice to observe them too.

In another place and time, I’d be a nudist because I am extremely comfortable with my body and that of others. I think the body is one of God’s greatest works of art for which there is no adequate replication. I love my me. I often fall asleep in light pjs if I have on any at all and wake up in my skivvies. I smile when this happens because I find clothes on most occasions to be a necessary hindrance, glad to relieve myself of them at the slightest opportunity. The same goes for shoes. This is one reason why living alone works so well for me. I firmly believe that bras and panties or soft robes can constitute sufficient clothing in the home alone.

I realize that I may be alone on this one, but people who are squeamish about the body annoy me. No, I don’t go around parading naked for people’s exhibition, but someone in my house telling me to put on longer shorts or a different shirt may get a foot and direction toward the door. The body shares no shame when clean and well-kept. My self-perception is one of the reasons I don’t have a lot of the sexual hang-ups that surrounded me as I was growing up. I am the most sexually liberal Christian I know, but that just means I’m more honest than most because many try to pretend that the proper importance of sexuality is nil. Liars.

The direction of this post is not the one that was intended, but oh well. This is my body of writing written by my self. I have permission to do as I please.

What say you about your body and your self? How much do you love you?