Hi ya’ll. This is Candy S. Puppydog hijacking Native’s page again. She’s tired as a greyhound after a doggy race, so I’m sure she won’t notice that I’m using her space. And, too, she seems to have lost her Will to write these days. She’s busy trippin off some people are never what you think they are stuff. Whatever. I could’ve told her that. I’ve been sniffin people for quite some time, and it’s always the ones who smell the best and scratch your ears just the right way that you have to be wary of. Humans will never learn how to sniff one another. Such a limited species.
In My world, a lot has been going on. That Native has had me living in three different places since the middle of October. You noticed, too? That’s not even a month?! Truth is…she’s busy trying to find us a place with more space for me where I can have my own room again. I’d much rather have a nice soft patch of grass with visions of t-bones in hidden corners dancing through my head. “Twas the night before steak dinner, and all through the house, my doggy stomach was growling, fear in every cat and every mouse….” I digress.
Oh yes, MY world. I’ve just gotten out of the hospital a few days ago. All that moving around had my arthritis actin up, so Native tried to give me some medicine once she figured out why I had no interest in that dirt like stuff she tries to pass off as my food. Boy, that Uncle Arthur in my spine was killin’ me!! Between the meds that Native concocted and the shot of narcs that the good Dr. Let Me Bite His Hand gave me, I was high as a shelf of leftover steak. I believe I saw the doggy afterlife. Then that crap tore up my stomach, and that’s exactly what I did-CRAP!! Everywhere. And I crapped everything until there was nothing left but…well, I guess you don’t really want to know the details. But that’s how I ended up in the ER and then my regular doctor’s hospital.
And let me tell you about the ER. Quite plush. Bet you didn’t know that my hospital is fancier than yours? Humans aren’t allowed back with the patient in the hospital I go to. It’s in the richie rich section of upper NW DC and I have interns, attendings, and cute little male nurses all at my beck and call. My room, equipped with state of the art computer monitoring stuff so Native can watch my exam and progress from the lobby. They even have a play section set up for me in the waiting room. Even though the wait is only a little shorter than in a human ER, it sure is more enjoyable. My hospital doesn’t smell like dog ish and cat piss either. The designer ceramic tile.is.spotless. Yes, I live the good life when I check in. The only sucky part is that darn needle that *(&&^&^( (*&)(*&&&* nurse keeps trying to stick up my tail!!! Who told humans that was a comfy thing for them to do?!! How would you like it if I stuck a pole up your hole?!! I mean, we must be proportionately fair.
Anyway, since I’m starting to ramble, I’ll release you from having to listen to my thoughts. But your aren’t really listening are you? And I don’t speak your language do I? So this is all just a dream. When you wake up, you won’t remember anything…Shhhhhhhhhh
Candy