Days of My Life

I.am.never.alone.

Tonight I met with my new personal trainer. Yes, I have gone and done the unthinkable for us non-Hollywood types. Even as I start a new job, I have made my trainer a mandatory part of my budget. I have accepted that only supervised weight loss will work for me since I’m such a stubborn hard head. My first assignment is to track my diet and do an hour of cardio five days a week on my own until my doctor clears me to work out strenuously. And why am I doing this? Glad you asked. So now I have to tell you.

I’m 31. I want to have children one day. I know that doesn’t require weight loss, but my overall physical condition is important to me. Children need healthy parents. Understand that my version of having children clearly incorporates adoption and a possible only because God made it happen pregnancy or two. Miraculous pregnancy aside, I need to be able to keep up with the children. I want to play in the park, go hiking, do outdoor sports and carry those heavy behind carriages with ease. I don’t want strenuous activity to be a problem, and I want to be flexible enough for other things I enjoy. Parenting will be a new part of my life’s journey, and I know that I’ll need strength for the journey.

But you know what I realize, the journey isn’t all physical. I was over at the After Party and whispered to God to give Hostess strength for the journey. Your mind, your emotions, your spirit–they all need nurturing. And even though I’ve been a bit lethargic and pensive lately (as opposed to anxiety ridden last week), I can’t get stuck there. I mean, I’ve been thinking about everything lately. Since my teens and early twenties, I haven’t given a lot of thought to what type of life I wanted to have besides one that included employment and regular shopping. But things change. And now I want more. I’ve done much of what I put on my personal short list, and I want to give more. I look at the people around me, some happy and some not, and envy them not. All of them. But yet I want more—more time, more love, more money, more health, more wealth (which is far more than money). And I want it all in the fulness of time. But getting to each one of those things is a separate twist or turn in my journey, and God knows that I’m not even close to finished yet.

Just like I’m taking the time to prepare my body, the rest of me has to be fit for the journey too and that all comes in time. Really, time seems like it’s in short supply compared to all my goals and desires, but how much time does it take for one life to change a whole world? Only one moment. Jesus split time. While I’m no Jesus, even the worst of us can accomplish more with the best in us in one moment than we can sometimes in a whole life time. And sometimes the bulk of a life’s journey is just preparation for that moment. And for that moment, you need God’s strength. And that’s what I ask for today for you and me, strength for the journey.

I am convinced that dates don’t have to be expensive to be nice, so I set out on a walk down memory lane to try and recall the nicest dates I’ve been on. Come take a walk with me. And then I’ll tell you my ideal date, but you have to promise not to tell. Shhhhh…..

The funny thing is that I know I’ve dated, but I really don’t remember that many of the dates. The only ones still in the memory bank are the ones that were pretty nice, and like my girl India, it’s pretty much the little things that make me smile.

1) Location: Union Station in undergrad at some random table for two. A friend took me there and I didn’t even realize it was a date at the time until someone pointed it out to me after the fact. We had so much fun. He was a writer and community activist with a schedule that needed a Blackberry before they were even invented. He asked for a ride to the station but asked me to stay when we got there. I don’t remember what we had to eat, but I remember that he took a couple hours out of an extremely busy day to spend time with me. We laughed, talked, left and escaped from campus life on several occasions to do it all again in different locations. Really simple because of the time we spent together but not really the nicest date, just one I remember. Ok, next. Oh yeah, I call that a “date” because we became more than friends as I recall.

2) My guy and Iwere having some issues, fussing a lot. That was a while ago because I no longer fuss, I discuss or I leave. Anyway, he came to visit me in Georgetown and before our lunch through dinner date could begin, he slipped out to F.A.O. Schwartz and bought this ridiculously expensive for a stuffed animal doggie that looked just like my dog Candy. I Lo.V.E Candy, and everyone who knows me always asks about her at some point because my obsession is just general knowledge. The gift was really sweet. He was good at gifts and surprises though, so many dates with that guy were special. Ok, I guess I can’t really tell what happened next because I don’t remember. Guess that’s not a good date story either. Hmmm….

3) I’m not too clear on who this one was with, but I remember a really simple dinner followed by a walk on the local beach that went from sunset to moonlight. Aside from the good company, the ocean and sky were so beautiful that night. The sky merged into the sea and the moon peaked out to christen the waves. Absolutely beautiful. Perfect backdrop as we ran hand in hand laughing and playing. We raced, got sandy. And I remember at some point he ended up carrying me. I don’t remember why, but it was a sweet date with lots of laughter and memorable moments (that I can’t remember. lol) I guess it’s the feeling that I remember. Moving on.

4) Ooowwww. I remember a nice one. I went on a road trip with guy. We did dinner first at this really good restaurant, and he was such a gentleman. He was a regular at the restaurant, so he took a chance and ordered my food. He made a good choice. He took my plate when it came and cut up all of my food. Then we shared each other’s meals before we hit the road. He planned every part of the day and evening so there were many surprises in between. It was a day trip, and before he took me home, we stopped by a playground and swung on the swings while we talked. Then he took me to my door where we talked some more and then danced in the moonlight to our own music. I have never forgotten that night.

5) I only have time for one more. You may not believe this, but my nicest date that wasn’t really a date was in McDonald’s with an old friend/old crush. Neither of us knew the area where we were, so we coordinated by cell to meet at a McDonald’s off the highway. He was only in town for one night, so we met the morning of the day he left. What made it so special was the fact that he had driven at least 12 hours and surprised me with his presence on a really important day filled with family and friends. On that day, he let me know he was there, but we only saw each other briefly before my family consumed my time. Even after such a long drive, he was cool with that. He didn’t try to monopolize my time or try to pull me away. We just settled on meeting the next morning somehow. I was EXHAUSTED the next morning, but I couldn’t not spend time with him. When I finally got to McD’s ( he had to wait a minute, I said I was sleepy), he met me at the door with a hug and took me to his table and pulled out my chair and proceeded to treat me like we were in a five star restaurant while we caught up. But really that was more his personality than anything. It was good to see him, and his selfless sacrifice really sweetened the visit. Some say he must really care about me. I say he was being a really good friend. Either way, it was a memorable date because of the surprise of seeing him after he tricked me and said he wouldn’t be able to come.

Okay, nothing here to really make you swoon, but hey!! These were memorable events for me. And they were really simple. I’ve had expensive, realllllllyyy nice dates that had no sentimental meaning, but these are the ones that I remember. The ones that took some thought. What’s your nicest date?

I just spoke with my godmother this morning about my sister’s upcoming wedding. She’s always been a role model, and I’m so proud of her. Not for getting married, but whatever, anyway. Okay, I’m switching subjects on you because—well, because I can.

So, if you had the chance to move to any part of the world and engage in any profession, where and what would you choose?

I would write from the South African coast during the East Coast Summer (when it’s winter and in the balmy 70s there), and then I’d write from Jamaica during the East Coast Winter when it’s in the balmy 70s there. Anyone see a pattern here?

My latest interest is what I consider physical training for the rest of my life. After a two hour workout this morning, I’m like on this crazy high and I can’t slow down. I haven’t set a date yet, but I will start with my new trainer any day now. I’ll keep you posted on my progress. I want to lose like 5 pounds a week. I think that’s reasonable with exercise. My diet’s already modified. I hate heavy eating in the heat. The blazing 90s are more than I care to deal with most days.

I’m sure no one but myself has noticed how I like to post twice in a day now whenever I do post. Anyone see any good movies lately? I’m running out of stuff to rent at Blockbuster. Has anyone seen Shadowboxer(ing?)? I’m wondering if it’s worth checking out.

I’m also excited that my AC is in order again. Good fix it men are hard to find. After two weeks of barely there air, I can finally CHILL for real. I went from sleeping with one cover to no cover to nature’s pajamas. Not.fun. Hot, summer nights are highly overated when the temp is 85 degrees at 8am. I was starting to feel like I’d been transported to an A.ra.b land. I don’t like hot places, so hell and gasoline drawers are not an option for me.

Alright, I think I’ve sprinkled your brain with enough randomness. And thanks for stopping by. I just figured out how to check the hits on this blog thingy, and people really do stop by–in droves sometimes–even though they don’t comment. So, thanks. Nice knowing you. One day I’ll invite you on over to my other place.

Enjoy your day and try not to get lost in my thoughts.
NLC

So, lately, like for the past few days or so, I’ve had like a heavy heart. Not literally, but there’s been an edge of sadness lurking around in there and I haven’t been able to put my finger on it. Nope, I haven’t been depressed or moping. I’ve just been aware that something else is going on around me or inside me. Not to mention that Candy (my dog) went crazy one night this week around 1 a.m. and wouldn’t stop barking and running until my sister and I left the house and didn’t go back. We had to stay at a friend’s house. All of this, and I”m sensing some stuff I can’t put my finger on.

Well, last night I went to a study session and during a time of meditation, I close my eyes and eventually see a little girl of Midd.le Ea.stern descent (in maybe either Leb.a.non or Pa.les.ti.ne.)standing alone with a blank look on her face. Then, eventually, I see dead bodies around her and shrapnel on a dusty road with buildings behind her, or pieces of what were buildings. As the dusty wind blows and there’s a blank look on her face, in the midst of all the ugly and pain, a yellow and brown or black monarch butterfly goes by and in spite of all the sadness in her heart, she smiles.

In a seemingly unrelated chain of events, I’ve been extremely sensitive to my environment lately. I’m a writer, and I’ve been feeling like dozens of stories trying to come through. Writing is an extremely emotional process for me that is more organic than structured. So, while I’m like in a beirthing position for the stories, it feels like the beginnings of labor–like you just sometimes have to go through the pain of bringing the stories out and waiting on the moment when they push themselves through. So, my sensitivity is relative to what feels like it’s about to be a serious multiple birth, the culmination of which will be an awesome collection of short stories. And I can’t complete the longer work I’ve started until I get them out of the way.

I said all of that to say that the temperature, my environment, my mood, my temperament, my soul–all feel write on target for what’s about to be birthed through me. Sit tight and I’ll keep you along for the ride.

Just my introspective thoughts
-NLC