I bet you thought The Nutty Professor’s Klumps wudn’t for real. Jokes on you, buddy. I know them personally, and they are HIH-LAY-REE-US!!!! Sherman and all.
I went to school with this guy named T. His cousins and I were good friends, so I knew him by close association. I spent A LOT of time with their family. Well, anyway, he may have had a slight learning disability or something as I recall, and he walked with a one leg shorter than the other limp. He also had really thick glasses. Not the kind of stuff most girls would go for, so he didn’t have a lot (well, any) girlfriends. He did like girls though and was always crushing on someone. And so his fortune with girls changed around college. He got his B.S., his M.A., and became all the more attractive, particularly on paper as a decent job came along with the degrees. Oh yeah, and he pledged a hot frat (always in nalia). And I never said he was ugly at all. He was working with a good gene pool, but the slight physical differences from your average guy kind of left him outside of the “hot guy” category.
Anyway, along with college comes the internet. You see where I’m going? Well, by the time he nears the end of school, the internet craze is in full swing, and he’s one of the first to try out this whole get to know you via net thing. A little ahead of his time, but just the boost he needed. He begins to meet his girlfriends over the net. He charms them until they’re in love and they eventually meet. By then, looks don’t matter (you know how women are, all emotional and stuff), and his game is on. Call him the internet mickety-mickety mack daddy.
Fast forward to Christams ‘05 at the family dinner table. Everyone is gathered and the family is exchanging cracks on each other as is their custom. T is not there. He spent Christmas with his girlfriend out of town. Not a move too many of the other guys in the family could’ve gotten away with, but he is the apple of Grandma’s eye as her “special” child. Everyone’s just “happy he’s happy.” Well, Grandma decides they need to give T a call and wish him a Merry Christmas. You know how we do down South, you gotta pass the phone to everyone who’s around and make up something to say whether you want to or not. Not so difficult this time. Grandma has T’s Uncle G make the call, and it goes a little something like this:
*Ring!!!!*
T: Hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hullo?
Uncle G: *A little anxiety in his voice* T? What you doin?
T: *Panting* I can’t talk right now Uncle G.
Uncle G: What? What you talkin bout? What’s goin on?
T: *More panting* She got me tied up!
Uncle G: What you mean she got you tied up?
Ripples of laughter start to pass around the table as side conversations cease. Uncle G done fell out laughing.
Grandma grabs the phone.
Grandma: T, what’s the matter? What’s going on?
(Female voice in the background): T, you better get off that phone and put back on those handcuffs!!!
Grandma: *Fanning and arms all up in the air* LAWD, SHE GOT MY CHILE ALL TIED UP!!!!
T: *Click*
Can you imagine the laughter? Now, why did he even answer the phone?